I sometimes hear from wives dealing with an affair confession and wondering what their husband’s reaction really means. Because let me be clear. Not all men react in the same way. Some men are quite outraged. Some are defensive. Some are cruel. Some are in denial. And others are sad, ashamed and regretful. Some even cry. And all of these actions can leave the wife wondering what to do about her behavior.
Imagine hearing the wife say, “My husband came up to me the other night very upset. He took a deep breath and said he had something to talk to me about. I sat up. Then he started sobbing and confessed to a short-term affair with one of his clients. He told me that words cannot express the shame he feels and assured me that it would never happen again. His tears did nothing for me at the time. In fact, they only made me angry. Why the crocodile tears? after he ruined our marriage? But after I had several days to think about this, I thought maybe his crying was a good sign because it meant he cared deeply. But when I talked about this with my mother, she said that he just I was sorry he got caught. She said his tears are just a way to manipulate me. I know what he’s saying, but when I think back then, I think his tears were real. He didn’t seem like he faked it to me. Why a man cries when he confesses or talks about his affair?
This can be hard to pin down. I can and will give you my theories. But, the only way to really know the truth about this is to make the man tell you WHILE you are sure that he has a firm grip on his feelings. This is a difficult task. Because honest men often admit that they don’t know why they cry.
I understand why people think a cheating husband is crying during confession because he gets caught. There is probably a lot of validity to this. But getting caught implies that they were trying to hide this from you and they were unsuccessful. This was not the case here. The husband initiated the confession. He didn’t have to do this. His wife didn’t even suspect. He simply decided to tell her the truth and face the consequences.
Of course, I’m just guessing, but I think it’s likely that he was overwhelmed with emotions and cried because he had to face the consequences of his actions. And he had to face the fact that he himself was causing this kind of shock and pain to someone who had done nothing wrong and done nothing to deserve it. I have never been in this situation since I was the faithful husband. But many have told me that it is terribly heartbreaking to have to look at the person you love and then explain how you betrayed them when you see the shock and pain on their face. This hurts. Especially when you know you’re to blame. So, you can cry when the reality of this hits you.
I know you’re worried about whether he’s sincere or not. I can tell you that his actions are much more important than his words anyway. He can say anything. He can do anything. He can fake a tear or a sob. But at the end of the day, what he can’t fake is how he’s going to get this right and what kind of husband he’ll be to you from now on. What matters more than his tears is how he rehabilitates himself, rebuilds trust, and helps you heal starting today.
My opinion is that your tears can mean many things. But it is much better to see tears than destitution, excuses or justifications. Instead of showing an attempt to justify his cheating or blaming you, show sadness. And for me, this is a good sign. But it’s not my opinion that matters. It’s from the wife.