Dealing with financial problems in marriage can cause serious marital problems. Emotional pain, stress, and marital discord can even lead to marital breakups if not handled properly. The way couples relate to each other and the strategies they use to solve the problem is extremely important in saving a marriage. Overcoming financial difficulties can be done effectively by avoiding the common mistakes that can destroy your marriage. Although having financial difficulties will put a strain on your marriage, there are strategies for surviving with your marriage intact.
Avoid the blame game – whose fault is it?
Although it can be tempting to blame when serious financial difficulties arise, each member of the couple must take some responsibility for their situation. It is not uncommon for one spouse to be unaware of financial problems until a financial crisis strikes. It is reasonable practice for both spouses to pay attention to finances. If both spouses pay attention, mistakes can be discovered and financial problems in the marriage can be avoided.
Communication – Orient
Communicating with each other is the first step in resolving your financial situation. No matter whose fault it is, your financial situation is a shared responsibility and must be resolved in order for your marriage and life to move forward.
During this time of stress, you may want to think about the things that attracted you to each other at the beginning of your relationship and the commitment you have to each other.
Communicate about your financial situation:
• Choose a time and place where you can talk without interruptions or distractions.
• Avoid blaming
• No humiliation or sarcasm
• Forget being right and your partner being wrong
• Listen to your spouse without interrupting
• Avoid phrases like “you never” or “you always”
• Listen and reflect on your partner’s point of view, don’t ignore or dismiss it.
• Stay calm – DON’T YELL!
• Give your spouse some reinforcement that you hear what you are saying (nodding, eye contact, other positive body language)
• Discuss your current financial situation, how much it is and how best to handle things given your current financial situation.
Regain confidence in money matters:
Just like any other area of marriage, financial trust is a big deal, and once it’s lost, it can be hard to get back.
Some useful tips to regain financial confidence:
• Complete honesty and openness about finances and debt
• Keep your spouse informed, even if they show little or no interest: Have a place where financial information is kept and available for both of you to see at any time.
• Have no secrets and NO secret accounts or money stashes
• Make a plan to get things under control: Make sure your spouse is involved and agrees to the plan.
• You may want to split bill-paying responsibilities so you both feel involved.
• Have regular meetings with your spouse to discuss finances: at home, away from home, for dinner, out for a walk, etc.
• ABSOLUTELY NO SECRETS!
Tips for dealing with financial problems in marriages:
• Set a budget
• Determine which bills need to be paid and agree who pays what
• Have a set time to discuss your finances.
• If you are unable to pay your bills, know your rights and consider seeking professional advice.
• Set aside time to spend alone time together (going for a walk, to the movies, card/board games, etc.)
Wherever you are financially in your marriage, you got to that point together and you will have to work together to solve this problem. While many marriages plummet under financial stress, other marriages are able to get over it and move on.