If given the option to think positively vs. negatively, it seems obvious that positive thinking is the best option. Without a doubt, it is more pleasant to think the best of each person and situation vs. assuming the worst. The former leads to happiness, love, and fulfillment, while the latter leads to anxiety, frustration, anger, and depression.
As a whole, however, human beings tend to be the “glass half empty” type of people, a propensity that can be attributed to nature and nurture.
The human mind’s tendency to focus on the negative is in part a survival instinct honed over millions of years. Throughout history, survival has depended on the ability of humans to learn to avoid and protect themselves from dangerous things and situations, such as attacks by wild animals, inclement weather, or poisonous plants. To navigate the very real dangers that threatened their lives, humans needed to rely on negative thinking, which worked to help them avoid danger.
Today, the dangers we face are not as dangerous to life as those faced by the first humans, and even a century or two ago. But the human mind still works the same way: its job is to keep us safe from harm. If you have an experience that was painful, your mind takes note and tries to help you avoid feeling that pain again in the future. The methods he uses vary. You may notice extreme visceral fear in some cases, while in other situations, negative thinking appears as a stream of unsupported self-talk designed to undermine your confidence so that you feel too insecure and scared to move on.
Learning to focus on the negative is also a skill that is learned through socialization. Some messages we absorb are unspoken, communicated through impersonal means such as the media. Others communicate directly through our parents and family, friends, teachers, and neighbors.
For example, if your mother was extremely critical, you may have internalized the message that something is wrong with you and that you can’t do anything right. When receiving feedback as an adult, her mind seizes any negativity she can find and uses it as evidence to support her belief that she is a failure. For example, if your boss tells you that your work on a report wasn’t up to scratch, instead of accepting the feedback at face value and correcting the mistake, your mind scolds you with comments like, “I’m an idiot. No I can’t believe I screwed up. I’m in over my head here. I can’t believe they entrusted me with this job. I’m going to screw things up.”
Your inner critic says these things in a misguided attempt to prevent you from ever experiencing the same kind of pain again. The result, however, is that you shrink back and fear repeating the mistake, making it increasingly difficult to take on additional responsibilities and risks that could result in additional criticism.
As you receive input from the people in your life, evaluate what you do with it. Do you take feedback at face value, extract what is helpful, and then use the information to make positive changes in your behavior and performance? Or do you use the comments as proof that you’re not good enough…and permission to punish yourself?
If you notice the latter, pull the reins of your negative thinking. Take a step back to objectively view the situation. Take stock of where you went wrong and what you need to do to improve your performance in the future. Then find something you did well to redirect your mind to the positive in the situation.
For example, you might say to yourself, “I got a section of the report wrong. But now I understand what I did wrong. I know how to fix and avoid the problem in the future. And my boss said the rest of the report was stellar. Overall, I did a great job!”
It can be human nature to dwell on the negative. But as a person committed to mindful living, you have the ability to retrain your mind to focus on the positive…and enjoy the happier, more rewarding life that will result.