meIt’s early November, and my neighborhood still holds the remnants of Halloween, a month-long celebration of ghosts. Kids on my street decorate early, with skeletons lounging in front yards, spiders crawling out of sidewalk gardens, dangerous-looking pumpkins standing guard on front porches. Neighboring streets have creepy cemeteries, inflated black cats, sound machines, you name it. All in fun… and, of course, the possibility of trick-or-treating always helps calm feelings of fear.
So why can it be so difficult to celebrate the fears that arise every day? The fears that stop us in our tracks. The fears that keep us small?
HHow do we really become friends with fear? The answers, fortunately, are numerous: Feel it. Sit with it. Understand it. stay with it. cure it
Here are some steps to help make fear feel more friendly:
Understand it. The more you sit with your fear, the more you can see under it. Often our fears come from a younger place within us. A time when we were scared, maybe with no one to help us. The longer you observe your fear, the more information you will receive to help you heal.
bring compassion. Compassion for your fear is crucial. Instead of making your fear ‘wrong’, approach it with a sense of compassion. Imagine a child who is afraid. How would you respond to this child? With a hug? Reinsurance? Love?
Ask yourself what you need right now to feel more courageous.. Need some friendly encouragement? Help or guidance of any kind? Do you need more info? When you know what you need, act to give yourself what you need.
Recognize fear as a friend who wants to keep you safe.. Fear is a natural aspect of your biological fight/flight/freeze response. Although your fear may seem inappropriate for the scope of your circumstances, it is triggered by the part of your brain tasked with keeping you safe. Often this response has been conditioned by previous experiences. Accepting this will make it easier for you to add space between yourself and your fear, recognizing that it stems from a habitual conditioned response, not actual danger.
Relate to your fear in the moment. Most of the time our fears are related to past experiences or future worries. Clarifying your fear in the moment will help you focus more. Instead of being consumed by a scary mind story, be present and real with your fear. With practice, you will begin to see fear as a feeling and nothing more. Remember: if the fear is true fear, warning you of real danger, you will respond more effectively rooted in the present moment.
To meditate. Consistent daily meditation helps your brain be more effective in times of stress. Helps facilitate access to the relaxation response. It helps you differentiate yourself from the emotions that seem to control you. If you are new to meditation, start with short periods of time. Even 5 minutes. Gradually increase your resistance so that you can sit longer and longer. Remember, it’s okay if you don’t feel ‘happiness’ right away. Sitting with your fear will help it begin to dissipate. It is this patient observation of your feelings that helps them transform.
Use EFT Tapping. EFT Tapping helps neutralize fear and other painful emotions. EFT has been clinically shown to reduce cortisol, the main stress hormone, which rises in times of fear. By lowering cortisol, you activate the relaxation response, which allows your nervous system to relax.
TThe bottom line: Befriending your fear could be one of the best gifts you can give yourself!
in courage,
mariano