“Love is a fever. When a man is in love, he endures more than on other occasions, he submits to everything ”, says Friedrich Nietzsche.
However, the very act of marriage sometimes serves as an antipyretic, reducing Love’s fever to a tepid state. So the man begins to treat the woman he wooed and won, like a piece of furniture: comfortable, useful and preferably durable.
No marriage can last without that priceless ingredient called Intimacy. Without its unifying force, the marriage is likely to be unstable and in danger of collapsing.
Marriage is a state of interdependence. Two imperfect human beings enter into a contractual obligation to love and appreciate each other. They fight for a unity that excludes all others from their inner intimacy and physical relationships.
This interdependence, however, is extremely difficult for a man. He needs to be in control of every situation. By becoming part of another human being he feels threatened and believes that it will decrease his stature.
Intimacy does not mean loss of personality. Despite differences in character, temperament, and background, husband and wife must interact and influence each other until, over the years, it becomes impossible to think of one without the other. It is a process of growth that is gradually perfected, as long as there is mutual care and sharing.
Like runners in a three-legged race, they learn to run smoothly despite being two different people. This is possible only when your relationship takes precedence over all other relationships: with parents, children or friends.
Mutual dedication, tolerance of each other’s failures and weaknesses, union through all the vicissitudes of life, make marriage the supreme experience of life.
Intimacy is expressed on many levels: physical, emotional, and sexual. Many well-educated intellectual men ruin their marriages because they lack knowledge of the basics of intramarital relationships.
They ignore the fact that a woman flourishes when she is loved and appreciated. Courtship should not end with courtship, but should continue throughout life, to keep the marriage alive and prevent it from stagnating.
Here are some simple guidelines for achieving physical and emotional intimacy.
Get involved: A man often attracts attention. He doesn’t like a wife stealing the limelight from him. But to put her interests and her well-being above his own is to comply with the edict of Scripture: “Each of you should love her wife as he loves himself.” He should rejoice in his successes.
Be Complacent: Men sometimes fantasize about a perfect wife. There is no such model. The sooner he learns this and accepts her for herself, with all of her strengths and despite her weaknesses, the better for her relationship.
At the same time, you should be aware of your own shortcomings and apologize when you’re wrong, and never rub yourself in when you’re right.
Be affectionate: Men dislike displays of affection. But a woman thrives on it. Touching in a non-sexual way – a hug, a hug, a caress, a loving look – could make her day.
The touch is like the balm of Gilead, an emollient for the rough edges of marriage. While it may be asking too much of some men to regularly remember birthdays and anniversaries, it wouldn’t be a bad idea for them to try. And the current generation of wives would expect them to.
Be loyal: Many men treat their wives as jerks, unable to make decisions on vital matters. They insult them in the presence of others. Scoring points against a wife who is too embarrassed or too timid to retaliate is cowardly.
Be grateful: A sincere compliment on your appearance, your talents, and your household management skills will ensure a lifetime of loyalty.
Wives’ flirtations are danger signals. They must be taken seriously and action taken immediately to rectify the underlying problem. A man who takes his wife for granted and ignores signs of restlessness such as sulking, sullenness, anger, absent-mindedness, will find to his regret that procrastination makes resolution even more difficult. . She is just making a desperate plea to be heard, understood and loved.
A woman is not a robot to be programmed and left to work mechanically. There are many dimensions to her character: physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual.
A woman is called upon to play multiple roles during her life as a wife, lover, friend, confidante, and mother. No human being can be perfect in all roles. Switching back and forth between these roles is a psychological strain. Under these circumstances, it is a miracle that more women do not suffer from split personality. Unfavorable comparisons can also demoralize a woman and destroy her self-esteem.
Most men don’t realize that what’s going on outside the bedroom is related to what’s going on inside. Simply closing the door to the rest of the world doesn’t turn it on.
The woman of today is aware of her sexuality. She is aware of being a unique creature “made terrifyingly and wonderfully”, to be an equal partner in the game of life. Sexuality is closely linked to her roles both outside and inside the bedroom, and the best aphrodisiac is tenderness and affection.
“Sexuality and affection cannot be compartmentalized. Good sex is a continuum of closeness and affection,” says Virginia John Masters.
The change in perception about female sexuality, the renewal of interest in female physiology and the openness in everything related to sex, have created the awareness that women are not only a passive receptacle of man’s passion, but rather it is capable of a response that involves the body, mind and emotions. Therefore, she is an active contributor to sexual reciprocity.
With the discovery of the incredible G-spot in 1944, and the demystification of this physiological process, there has been a change in the biological destiny of every woman.
The man must therefore take note of his positive identity, and not make sex a predictable routine. There should be no shame for the bodies of others. Only when communication barriers are removed will sexual intimacy be possible.
Manners and technique, hygiene, the importance of a romantic foreplay, and loving gestures will nurture intimacy. It will eliminate the need for a woman to fake orgasms simply to please her husband. If this simulation becomes habitual, she may lose interest in sex altogether.
Why does a woman need to show off in bed? Because she feels that she is being critically evaluated by her husband. But this never has to be the case where there is openness from her, and where her husband pays attention to her needs and her technique. Men should also be aware of what is physically attractive to women. Bad body odor, halitosis, and lack of cleanliness can paralyze a woman sexually.
However, sex is only one aspect of a marital relationship. Sexual problems do not have to be identical to marital problems. A large number of couples who are happy in marriage admit that their sex life is nothing crazy.
There are many women who go through life without experiencing orgasms, but still enjoy intercourse. It is the feelings that one contributes or fails to contribute to the relationship that influence intimacy.
How nice it would be if a computer was in every marriage! He is very sharp at highlighting mistakes. “String error”, “The word is not in the directory”, “Are you sure?” he would ask, and unless the mistakes are corrected, the marriage would be put on hold.
No marriage can be beautiful without intimacy and tenderness.