A shark attack is usually evidenced by a shark bite of some kind and can occur in as little as two feet of water! But the attack is much better for a newspaper headline to entice people to read the rest of the story.
If it was a dog, then, unless it was a pack of dogs, the story would be about “a dog bites a person, a child, or another dog,” unless of course a pit bull was involved. . It’s all a matter of perception.
It’s pretty hard to get a shark bite anyway, but here are some tips to help increase your chances. First, is to go swimming early in the morning, at dusk or at night, which is when many sharks feed and to further increase your chances, then splash a lot to attract the shark’s attention.
Second, if you are a spear fisherman, make sure you cast a lot of fish and then drag the dead fish behind you, which is like ringing a dinner bell for sharks in the area. If the fish you pierced bleeds a lot, so much the better.
Third, ignore any signs warning of shark sightings in the area because it’s probably a ploy to keep swimmers out of the water. What are your chances of getting bitten even if a shark has been sighted recently? In fact, your chances of being struck by lightning are higher than a shark attack. The people putting up the signs are probably just scare mongers!
Fourth, if you see birds diving into the water looking for small fish jumping on the surface of the water, then definitely swim into the action and see what is causing it. Of course it could be a very big fish like a shark chasing the small fish! But if you have a camera, imagine what kind of photos you can get, especially if the shark attacks you.
Fifth, go scuba diving or scuba diving and if you see a small shark be sure to grab its tail or dorsal fin. This will help you to be very friendly with the shark because the shark will understand that you are just playing with it and you don’t want to hurt it. So when the shark turns and bites you, don’t take it personally.
Sixth, when you’re in the water and you see a sizable shark, make sure you try to get as close to it as possible. In fact, invade your personal space as quickly as possible for a great photo or life experience moment. If the shark begins to arch its back and move its sides erratically, there is no need to worry because the shark is just trying to show you affection. In fact, a great idea is to try petting it while arching its back and turning its body from side to side to show your own displays of affection for this beautiful creature.
Seventh, make sure you swim alone and also get out as far as possible. In this way, the shark will have no problem choosing you because you will be the only moving object that may or may not be perceived as the meal of the day. And once again, make a lot of splash when you’re as far away as possible so the shark/sharks have an easier time spotting you. Make sure you do this on a deserted beach so no one else has to risk their life to save you from your own stupidity!
Eighth, since you have all that glitter, make sure you use it when you enter the ocean. Whether it’s a fancy watch, a gold chain or a ring, don’t forget to wear it so you look good underwater or while swimming. In fact, fish will be very impressed with all your jewels, especially barracudas and sharks, not to mention moray eels. It will be easier for predators to use their vision to attack you instead of having to use the others they have. The brighter the better!
Ninth, if you are bleeding then definitely go swimming, diving or surfing and make sure the salt water keeps the blood flowing. Just because the shark can detect your blood at half a mile doesn’t mean you need to worry. In fact, if you’re wearing lots of sparkling jewelry and swimming alone at dusk in an area known for shark attacks, you’ll definitely maximize your chances of encountering a shark or many sharks.
These are just a couple of methods of taunting a shark that may or may not result in a bite that can cause serious injury or death. Feel free to add any other actions a human might take to entice a shark to attack.