Dealing with ADD is an ongoing challenge for parents. We do not “cure” ADD. We definitely have to live with that. “How to cope?” This is well said. I intend to provide you with some concrete tools that you can start using immediately with spectacular results.

Remember, ADD is Attention Deficit Disorder and the main problem is focus of attention. We differentiate ADD from ADHD in that ADHD has problems with concentration and hyperactivity. I started treating this (these) disorders in 1985 before we differentiated between them. I still prefer to think of both as simply “ADD”.

The ADD child is easily distracted. They are attracted to “the next shiny object.” On their way to a shiny object, another one catches their eye and they are off. This sounds like fun, but it can be frustrating for parents or teachers trying to deal with these children. In fact, put a few of them in one place and be careful. Children with ADD are much easier to deal with one on one than in a group.

In truth, Attention Deficit Disorder is misnamed. It’s not really an attention deficit. Actually, the child is noticing or paying attention to too many things. They notice everything. It’s really too much rather than a deficit.

Here are some great tips to help you deal effectively with most kids with ADD.

  1. Educate yourself. ADD is a developmental delay. The child cannot do what he is not yet capable of. We measure this developmental delay to be approximately 30% below “normal” development. So a chronological 13 year old may function more like a 9 year old. He may look 13 years old, but his abilities are only developed at the 9-year-old level. The last two capacities to develop in the human brain are: 1) Internal vs. external motivation; and 2) Delayed gratification. Don’t all children struggle in these areas? Think of the ADD kid’s brain as a really good computer, but 30% of the software hasn’t been installed yet. Using computer analogies works well to explain this easily. It’s like you keep pressing the correct key on the keyboard, but the computer doesn’t respond. You get frustrated and wonder what’s wrong with the computer. So, you wonder why you are so incompetent to operate this computer. Actually, there is nothing wrong with you or the computer. It still cannot respond to your command if the software has not been installed. Just like your child can’t respond or perform to your expectations because the brain hasn’t developed the capacity yet.
  2. Change your expectations. Now that you know your child has ADD, you need to adjust your expectations about his or her performance abilities. That doesn’t mean he’s not smart or that he can’t do a lot of things. He may need to be told, reminded, directed, and supervised. It is your understanding and your expectations that must change first.
  3. Give one command at a time.Have you ever given a child with ADD a series of tasks like “go up and make your bed, put your laundry basket down, and take out the recycling bin?” I bet you have. And you know what happens. You find him 10 minutes later playing with the cat in the hallway outside his room. He has no idea why you’re upset and he has even less idea what you told him to do. If you’re lucky, he made his bed and is playing with a toy on his bedroom floor. He at least he got the first task. An ADD child simply cannot process multiple sequential tasks. Stop frustrating yourself and him and give him one task at a time. It’s not going to happen yet that he processes and remembers numerous sequential requests. Stop your own frustration. It’s not changing. You need to change the way you assign tasks.
  4. When you assign a task, ask him to repeat it back to you so you know he got it done.This one is huge. It sounds so simple, and it is. But it is also very powerful. Learning and memory are substantially enhanced through repetition. Also, the more sensory modalities you use to give a command, the better. By I mean visual, auditory, and kinesthetic modalities. Looking at you or seeing homework is visual. Hearing you say it is auditory. Kinesthetic can be touch or feelings (or both). So if you touch it, or smile, or create a good feeling and attitude by speaking, you will have operated in all three modes. Your child will retain more and therefore be more likely to stick with homework.
  5. If you are away from home, give the instructions or commands at the point of execution.We cannot expect the ADD child to remember what behavior or performance expectations we can have. In particular, we cannot expect him to remember the specific expectations of the situation. Let’s use the mall as an example. At the mall gate, tell the child what her expectations are. Ask him to repeat them back to you. The incidence of positive performance will increase dramatically. At home, he can reread the after-school home instruction that you gave him before school. Or, you can call him from work, with him in the room where he assigns homework, and you’ve created a performance point situation.
  6. Most importantly, as a parent, you need to relax and be as practical as possible.ADD children are especially sensitive to the positive or negative energy around them. They are extra sensitive. If you are negative, angry, hostile, or sarcastic, they will notice and be affected by it. Be positive. Be clear. Be strong. Be loving. Be as practical as possible. This will always be the case whether our child has ADD or not. I have seen some sad situations in my practice where parents are so frustrated and exasperated with a child that they don’t realize how they talk to and about him. They sound like they can’t stand the kid. It can sound so hurtful. Imagine the anguish inside that child when his parents sound like they really don’t like him. This can cut to the core and cause serious harm to a child. A child hasn’t developed enough armor to endure so much pain. It can cause lasting damage. So be as loving, positive, and practical as you can be.

These are just some of the things I know will help. Attention can be regained by the use of the child’s name. Touching the shoulder focuses attention. The attitude of the parents makes all the difference in the world.

Dealing with ADD is not really easy for anyone. But you can easily cope. Many successful, happy, and high-powered adults had ADD as children and as adults. These children are usually bright and very funny. Sure, sometimes they are annoying. But can’t we all be?

© 2010 by John B Hudome, all rights reserved.