You feel lost. You feel isolated. You may even feel like a failure.
These are common feelings often reported by parents of children with serious behavior problems. If you are among these parents, you are probably wondering what you will do to restore sanity to your family on a daily basis.
This is a difficult thing, no doubt.
There are no magical answers to this kind of familiar scenario, partly because human beings are complex creatures and each one is magnificently unique. Fortunately, however, there are effective guidelines and resources that can address serious behavior problems and, for many families, go a long way toward a happy solution.
1. Be the parent first and a friend second.
Sometimes moms and dads, with the best of intentions, mistakenly believe that being their child’s best friend is the most effective way to parent. Unfortunately, this is simply not true.
Children have friends. They need parents. Desperately. There may be times and even days during your growing years when what you share feels like a friendship. Even a close one. But honestly, it’s disconcerting to the child when the parent acts like a friend instead of playing the parent’s leadership role. And yes, role confusion like this can even lead to behavior problems.
It’s so easy to slip into the role of a friend without even realizing it. If your child has serious behavior problems, do yourself a favor and take a hard look at how your child sees you. You need to be able to respect his authority and trust his leadership.
2. How long does your family have?
Someone once said that children spell love TIME. There is a lot of truth in this statement. They need the one on one, nose to nose time, I am giving you my undivided attention and they need a lot.
Mealtime, laugh time, chore time, bedtime, playtime, and all the normal work of life can be done together as a family. This breeds teamwork and a strong sense of togetherness. It also allows you to get to know your child so well that you will often know when a problem arises almost before he does, which can remove some of the need they feel for you to act through problem behaviors.
3. It’s all about values.
Focus on the core character values of respect, responsibility, honesty, trust, and self-control in your daily family life. Model these characteristics for your children so they know exactly what is expected of them. Read together books by famous people whom you admire for their qualities of character and courage.
In short, teach your children what excellent behavior looks like and why it is so important. Culture sometimes says it’s okay to misbehave. Confront that lie in your family and protect your children with a deep foundation in the truth.
What to do with a child with very serious behavior problems? There are many specific behavior modifications that are useful to be safe. Just make sure you have a parental leadership foundation, lots of quality family time, and a focus on character values, so your behavior training can really take root and grow beautifully.