The words “sticky signs” should be on a sign around the neck of a friend of mine who is getting divorced. This person has been the epitome of a good loving spouse. They took the good with the bad. No amount of bad behavior on the other person’s part made my friend want a divorce. There was literally NOTHING they could do to make my friend leave (and believe me, he was upset). In other words, my friend was being a doormat. A sticky and needy doormat. Finally, the other person left and ended my friend’s misery.

The sticky signs are pretty clear to someone on the outside looking in on a relationship, but sometimes it’s more difficult when you’re one of the two people in it. So when you need your partner’s support crosses the line and becomes just plain annoying?

First, let’s back up for a minute.

So why is it so bad to be clingy and needy in the first place? I can sum it up in one word: UNEQUAL.

That’s how it is. When a person is clingy, he is automatically taking more from the relationship than he is giving. Period.

It doesn’t matter how much you love them if you are smothering them because they will still be unhappy. And I’m speaking from experience here. An important person from my past used to get angry if I ate breakfast without him and he usually didn’t speak to me for three days. (Though he didn’t get up to eat breakfast when everyone else did.) Yeah…it was that bad.

This made me feel like I was carrying a huge weight because I felt responsible for my happiness AND HER! It could only hold the two of us for so long. After a while, it was no longer worth the effort. I think that’s what happens with a lot of potentially great relationships.

Here are the reasons why:

1. Sticky people are usually selfish (although not all of them intend to be)

If you’re a clingy person and I just hurt your feelings, I’m sorry. But you need to hear the truth and take a good look at yourself. (Your future happiness depends on it.) Sticky people are insecure people. They need constant verification that they are loved, appreciated, etc. Because of that need, they are always thinking about themselves and how their partner relates to them. Now, when you’re constantly thinking about yourself, you can’t be thinking about your partner and their needs, can you?

YOU are responsible for YOU and it is not your partner’s job to make you happy. Clingy people expect other people to make them happy when, in reality, happiness never comes from outside sources. It ALWAYS comes from within.

2. People want to feel as if they are in a relationship with an equal

An equal is someone on the same wavelength with you mentally, emotionally, and physically. They “get” you like no one else does. And they give as much to the relationship as they take. Relationships are like banks. You make deposits, then you take things out when you need them. However, it will ruin your relationship if one person is always making withdrawals without putting anything in.

3. Every partner needs support

One of the main points in life is to find a person with whom to share your ups and downs. They celebrate with you when things are going well and help sustain you when things are going bad. However, if you are a clingy person, how can you be a rock to your partner when he needs you? (See Number 1 above.

4. Relationships require work

All you need is Love It’s a great song, but it’s just not true. (Now I’ll have that song in my head all day). Relationships take work, but if your partner is your top priority, it doesn’t really feel like work. Instead of spending the day worrying about where your partner is and what they’re doing, take the time to plan something nice for them to show your love. Give them some space. It will be good for both of you.

Can’t decide if you’re clingy or your partner is clingy? Here are some signs:

* You must know where the other person is every minute of every day.

* You don’t like your partner spending time with their friends without you (or without you).

* You want your partner to give up hobbies/interests that don’t include you.

* Hold your partner back from their potential because you are afraid of “falling behind.”

* Not having a life and a plan of their own. (That’s why you’re riding their skirts.)

If you’re a sticky person, I didn’t mean to hit you. Being clingy is usually a learned behavior and may have been taught to you by your parents. But the time has come to break that mold and become your own person.

A strong partner with his own life and interests makes for a great partner.

If you want to have a healthy and BALANCED relationship, you must be a happy and balanced person. Now, I know that we all have our little problems in life, but I mean, generally speaking, you have to act together. Go out and find new friends and hobbies. Start thinking and acting positive all the time. Start loving life and everyone around you. All those sticky signs will automatically go away when you do these simple things because you will be happier, more confident, and more independent. If you need more help getting organized, see a counselor. Many churches and workplaces will provide you with free counseling services.

If attachment has caused your relationship to break, check out the signs of attachment for steps to repair it.