For some, this is a big question and they may go back and forth on their decision, hoping that things will change for the better. For others, once they’ve made a decision, they just go ahead and do it. Either way, your connection to your partner will influence how you do it.

this no longer works

Discussions about the relationship and areas that are unsatisfactory usually occur long before the actual breakup. In fact, we begin to negotiate, to ask for what we want, to compromise, to complain, to criticize, etc. very early in the relationship. It’s natural for us to want to make the relationship fit, which includes asking (or demanding) our partner to do things differently.

Once you’ve started to question your relationship, you may even find more and more evidence of why it’s not working out anymore, just because you start to focus more on those areas.

please give me another chance

It’s rare, I’d even say never happens, for two people to mutually agree to a breakup from the same place of acceptance that it’s over. That is what they can tell their friends but the truth is that there is always a person who already goes further and is clearer about what they no longer want.

The other person is usually the one who, even though things may not have been so great, still had some hope that it would work. Shielding their own feelings of hurt and grievance, they may say ‘I understand’ or ‘You’re right’, but the fact remains that one person is often more hurt than the other.

If the difference between the two partners is greater, the one who is saying ‘it’s over’ might even ask for another chance.

I’m not sure anymore

If both partners are connected to their emotions during a breakup conversation, they will both be somewhat shaken up by the experience. If you’re asking for another chance and the first partner isn’t absolutely 100 percent clear on himself, he may be moved to agree. This state of limbo between ‘wanting to break up’ and ‘wanting to give it another chance’ is quite normal and couples often go through a trial break to give their relationship another chance.

So when will I tell them?

If you’re wondering when to tell your partner, let your intuition take the lead. Talk about it with trusted friends beforehand, if that helps. Feel the ‘right time’ and it will come. If you are avoiding it, you are most likely feeling annoyed with your partner, hoping he or she will make a mistake or fight. If you are true to yourself, you may want to choose a better time for such an important conversation.