I believe that calmness is priceless and an important tool in anger management is basically a CBT principle that I have adapted to my own philosophy. I believe that when we allow anger to take hold of us, it can gradually destroy us from within and then spread to those around us, even those we love.
I think the facts are as follows, that you cannot alter the way people behave around you, and you cannot alter the situations that happen. However, the only thing you can alter is your reaction to them. I need to qualify those comments more, it is not entirely correct to say that, because it can be touching some people, sometimes. It is also true that you can touching some situations, some times. Again, the only thing you can totally influence all the time is your reaction to them.
Think about it, if your happiness depends on people and situations being a certain way, then you will only be happy when people behave the way you have decided they should behave. In the same way, you will only be happy when situations turn out the way you have decided they should turn out. Therefore, the reality is that you are limiting your happiness purely at random, that is, only during those times when others or circumstances comply with your rules for the world.
So what is the answer? The solution begins when you decide to have preferences instead of absolute demands, and then you choose to accept life as it is, especially when you have no control over the situation, so you choose to protect your sanity. Of course you don’t have to like it, but if you can’t calmly influence or change it, then I think you only have two options left. One is to accept it, even if that means just for now and maybe you can influence him later, or you can decide to get mad about it, yell, yell, have a tantrum, break dishes, hold a grudge, constantly moan about it. or maybe even have an ulcer.
Ask yourself this important question, if none of those angry, negative responses are really going to change the situation, what’s the point? In the end, what is more important to you? He keeps trying to get his way when it’s out of her control, and when it’s obvious that all her rage-filled efforts will be futile. Alternatively, you can maintain your health and sanity by choosing to be as happy as life allows at the moment, but still reserve the right to influence what you can in the future. I think it is very important to put sanity and calmness above a feeling of injustice, regardless of whether you have reason on your side or not.
The one thing I’ve learned in my psychotherapy career is that everyone really does see the world from a totally unique perspective and, on one level, most people would understand and agree with that statement. However, if I ask people the question “Do you realize that everyone thinks differently from you and sees the world in a different way?” Most people’s response to that is to agree that it’s true, but when they judge people’s behavior, they judge them by their own personal set of rules and regulations as if they were the only ones that could possibly make sense. When judging others, it is not unusual to hear the same words “I would not do that”, which of course from their unique perspective they would not. However, if they were the other person with that unique point of view, then their actions would make perfect sense to them, otherwise why the hell would that person be deliberately doing something that doesn’t make any sense to them? Obviously, there are times when some people deliberately break up with others, but I think that’s a separate issue.
So, summing up for the sake of your sanity, even if your point of view is valid and may or may not be supported by the majority, you should calmly influence what you can and accept what you cannot. Hopefully understanding that regardless of whether it’s right or wrong, the other person is only doing what makes sense to them, so what you need to do is find a way to let it go and make your sanity a priority. You don’t have to like or approve of it, but on some level you need to accept it, even if that acceptance is temporary until the time comes when you can change things.