‘Asshole head’ was what I thought when I indignantly observed a driver ahead of me at the light who was not moving when the light turned green. As a consequence of this, myself and other drivers behind us were held up and couldn’t pass before the red light came on again. She was judging him, assuming he was lazily letting his attention wander at the intersection and therefore slow to react.
However, I have previously done something similar. This unfair judgment of someone we don’t even know is probably quite common. I didn’t stop to consider the possibility that the driver might have had a problem with a stuck car, or maybe a wasp or child in the back seat was distracting him. Who knows?
When meeting people, don’t most of us have a tendency to judge them on the basis of the weakest evidence? We may notice, for example, their clothing and way of speaking, or their facial expressions, and as a result make unwarranted assumptions about their social status, attitudes, and character.
If we value non-discrimination and being inclusive, we may wonder why it is so easy to sue.
Mindfulness meditation acknowledges the challenge. Therefore, it helps people to see how they can get caught up in the stream of thoughts and feelings that they experience in ways that are not helpful.
“Gradually, we can train ourselves to notice when our thoughts take over and realize that thoughts are simply ‘mental events’ that don’t have to control us.(Professor Mark Williams, clinical psychologist).
However, this distancing from judging things emotionally takes a lot of practice.
I would suggest that there are three reasons why it is so difficult to stop judging.
1 Effect of social culture on evaluation
The first reason is that we cannot avoid the effects of our social culture on us. We have automatic habits of thought that we often don’t even notice. The media often reinforce them. We are aware of how social stereotypes affect prejudices. But there are others less obvious.
The halo effect is one example, when we inadvertently jump to the idea that any attractive individual we meet is more likely to be friendly and cooperative. Similarly, we might view any unattractive person as reserved and unwilling to lend a helping hand. Another example is if we automatically assume that the non-muscular individual is not fit or athletic. Because such thoughts remain outside of our normal awareness, they are difficult to notice, let alone eradicate.
The solution is to stop jumping to conclusions based on insufficient information.
2 Judgment due to selfishness
The second reason it’s so hard to stop judging has to do with the selfish inclinations of our human nature. Our selfish mind first approaches people with a ‘no’. For example, if we think they are from the wrong social class, not the right ethnic group, not one of us. If we can prove they’re bad, it makes us feel good. Blaming and accusing another group or person and we feel superior.
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” (Jesus Christ)
Franciscan friar Richard Rohr points out that when Christ said ‘judge not’, he meant that we must first be ready to say ‘yes’ before saying ‘no’. To be inclusive. To suspend judgment. Not showing that others are wrong to prove that we are right. Give others the benefit of the doubt.
3 Need for rational judgments
I would suggest that a third reason why we find it so difficult to stop making judgments is the unavoidable need to use good sense applied to problematic issues.
Here are some examples of the need for a reflective judgment between what is good and what is bad.
– Jurors must exercise a fair judgment of guilt or innocence. The verdict greatly affects the reputation of the defendant.
– Job interviewers must judge who are the best candidates without prejudice. Their correct choice affects the effectiveness of the company.
– Examiners must exercise their academic judgment with due diligence when marking exams, as the results often affect the future career of the student.
– As citizens of a democratic society we are asked to vote for a government. Consequently, we will want to exercise our political judgment to choose the best one for the needs of the country.
– Parents need moral judgment to decide what to teach children about right and wrong.
– As private individuals, we need to find some meaningful sense of the chaos and uncertainties that surround us. So, we use our rationality as well as our feelings to discern what is right and good in life. What values to appreciate in which to put our hope.
Achieving a balance between the head and the heart
In my opinion, people have rightly rejected the idea of judgment for the all-or-nothing ways of thinking found in some of the orthodox teachings of Christianity. You are saved or not, believer or not, sinner or not, serving as punishment in hell or reward in heaven. There is also the old idea that a harsh deity causes human suffering by seeking revenge for Adam’s original sin in the Garden of Eden. I think this is understandably seen as nonsense these days.
Some feel that life just doesn’t make any rational sense: suffering, chaos, disaster. They cannot understand head or tail. One result has been a loss of expectation in the ‘postmodern culture’ of the Western world that there is a rational truth about life. Consequently, each person’s understanding is considered as valid as everyone else’s. I suspect this is one of the reasons why interest in mystical writing, mindfulness meditation, compassion-focused training, or new age writing—all movements that emphasize personal experience rather than a framework—has increased. intellectual ideas about objective reality. Ideas that require our discernment and evaluation.
What worries me is not the growth of such movements which are very important for spiritual development but rather some individual adherents of them who do not try to find any rational meaning in the mystery of life. My guess is that this results from confusing an attempt to make rational judgment (which is good) with snap judgment reactions (which is bad).
“Stop judging by mere appearances, and judge correctly.” (Jesus Christ)